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“This pleasure-centered approach to sex lends itself to more connective, relaxed, intimate experiences between partners regardless of the identities of those involved.”

Which is something I think everyone, sides and otherwise, can get on board with.

The side guide: a (not so) new gay sexual position

By Oli McAuslan, updated 4 months ago in Sex and dating / Sex

While this is a piece about sides, this is not a side piece.

For instance, drag performer Kandy Muse explains that:

“In my life, I’ve had to come out as a queer man, then I had to come out as a drag queen.
Coined by psychotherapist Joe Kort, PhD, clinical sexologist and author of Side Guys, a side is someone (often a gay man) who does not want to engage in penetrative sex. Common STIs can still spread through oral sex and even kissing.
The good news is you can reduce your risk of STIs by using condoms and dams when sucking dick or eating ass.

Or felt like your options were “top,” “bottom,” or “nothing”?
“For many, being a side is about embracing what feels good without feeling pressured to follow a conventional script,” says Tanner.

Working on what's next

We're actively developing new articles, resources, and personal stories for PNW Sides.

So What Do ‘Sides’ Enjoy Sexually?

Put simply - someone who identifies as a side may enjoy a plethora of sexual activities, as there are many sexual experiences they can have that don’t include penetrative anal sex. What’s most important is that we listen to those we are having sex with when they identify that they’re a side, we hear them, and we respect their sexual preference.

Can You Go From Being a Side to Being a Top or a Bottom?

What Is a Side? But intimacy can be wide and creative — and it can still be deeply satisfying.
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What Is a Side? It also promotes the harmful belief that engaging in anal somehow proves a guy’s masculinity.
Because of this, some folks might judge sides as not being sexual enough or playing hard to get.

Send us email. The updated FAQ covers common questions about being a side, exploring gay intimacy, and navigating attraction — including for straight, bisexual, and bicurious men. Enter: “side,” an alternative to the top/bottom/vers trifecta.
Everyone’s preferences are valid as long as they’re consensual and respectful.

Any notion that gay hook-ups must involve anal penetration is a false narrative.

What this site is

A starting point for understanding “side” identity, and a friendly place to help side guys in the Pacific Northwest find each other. But what exactly any given side is into may look wildly different from, well, side to side.

Read on for everything there is to know about what it means to be a side, how it’s done, and why this term is so important—not just for the gay men who identify with it, but for sexuality as a whole.