Too gay

But emotional intimacy doesn’t take care of itself. A way to soften that voice is through the practice of self-compassion. Many of us had no models for healthy gay male relationships growing up, and questioning internalized beliefs is a necessary part of our self-actualization process. It's your body’s learned survival response, an echo of old programming that screamed, "Don't draw attention.

Sometimes opening a relationship becomes a way to avoid intimacy rather than deepen it. Trust your gut feeling.

Useful UK Resources

Stonewall: A leading charity for lesbian, gay, bi, and trans people in the UK, offering research, campaigns, and information.

Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline: A confidential listening service for LGBT+ people.

Especially around straight men or in unfamiliar environments, I’d instinctively adjust myself—without even realizing it.

It was like my nervous system had learned that being “too” openly gay wasn’t safe, even if no one had explicitly said something.

I remember once getting a manicure, and near the end, I casually asked the nail technician about polish colors.

It’s about allowing your body to be fully present and experience pleasure without the background hum of shame or the physical tension that comes from a lifetime of being told your desires are wrong.

So how can this happen? It involves looking at the full truth of your experience - the joy, the pain, the societal pressures, the personal strengths - and choosing to stand by yourself with compassion.

How do I find a therapist who is genuinely affirming?

Look for credentials and experience - and chat with them before making any decisions!

It is simply a chance for us to speak and see if we might be a good fit to work together.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does the feeling of minority stress ever go away completely?

While society's external pressures may not disappear, your internal relationship to them can change profoundly. It isn't safe."

The work of deep self-acceptance is about closing this gap.

When couples open a relationship without tending to it first, the underlying issues will still appear.

How do you know what you actually want?

Knowing what’s right for you and your ideal relationship starts with getting honest about whether you're choosing something because it aligns with your values, or because it feels expected or that you’ll lose something if you don’t.

It is a skill that strengthens with use.

Curating Your Personal and Digital Worlds

While we can't change society overnight, we can have a significant influence on our immediate environment. Therapy becomes a dedicated space where the knots of minority stress can be gently untangled, where the voice of the inner critic can be understood, and where a stronger, more resilient foundation of self-worth can be built, piece by piece.

Self-acceptance is an active, empowered process. It’s an ongoing practice of returning to yourself with kindness. We work with what you bring.

A Psychodynamic approach then provides the tools to look at the origins of the patterns you feel stuck in.

A lot of men I work with say yes to opening up their relationship before they've asked themselves that question.

If you're considering non-monogamy, pay attention to what happens in your body when you imagine opening your relationship or your partner with someone else. Monogamy, by contrast, is often described as restrictive, fear-based, or borrowed from heterosexual norms that never served us.

They're not entirely wrong.

It provides evidence that your life is part of a long and vibrant history, full of possibility.

For the Self-Aware Person: When You Know the Theory but Still Feel Stuck

There's a particular kind of frustration that I see in my practice, and it's especially common among people who are insightful and have done a lot of their own reading and thinking.

The hypoarousal partner gets relief from what feels like constant pressure. There's also rebellion.