Gay brainwash

This is a fantasy experience that is not for everyone and please be prepared and informed before listening. I've struggled with my identity for years, but deep down I know who I am.

Not having a support system meant they felt 'clueless' regarding life in the real world.

"I have struggled with my sexuality all my life and what I’ve been through means I now battle constantly with shame, fear, trust issues, needing validation and waiting for people to abandon me," they share.

Ben also has very low self-esteem and self-worth.

However, from a broader perspective, I'm afraid of the anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric (more specifically anti-trans rhetoric) that seems to have poisoned our society.

"LGBTQ+ people just want to be left alone to live their lives and to be treated as equals. Then the more information I was able to access on the internet, the more I had language to describe who I actually am," they share.

The impact on their mental health

Jamie describes the impact of conversion therapy on their mental health as "horrendous".

"I tried to take my own life several times.

My kids, who are now grown up, are super supportive in every possible way."

Looking to the future

"It makes me so sad that I spent most of my life afraid, full of self-loathing, and so desperately unhappy trying to be someone I'm not. There is an extended progressive relaxation induction followed by a period of fractionation to deepen the state of hypnotic trance.

For one thing, I have my first appointment at a gender identity clinic very soon. Negatively, though, it made it harder for me to open up to people. This meant being shunned by all in the religion, blacklisted, and losing all support from friends and family.

Their religious parents forced them into studying the Bible daily, attending regular meetings and completing 'study' activities.

Those of us who do manage to survive are left with mental scars that are just as deep as any physical damage," says Ben.

They want more support for victims of conversion therapy, and for people to be reminded they aren't alone.

"Everyone deserves a safe space. *Important Disclaimers* This recording features: • Highly sexual instructions • Themes of Dominance and submission • Breeding kink Fantasy Elements • Male & Female Voice Work Please only listen if these are elements that you feel comfortable with.

They lost faith and had no real contacts beyond their family or religion. Wider society is missing out on wonderful, talented human beings because so many are damaged and their self-esteem has been destroyed."

Ben's story

They/them

Ben, 34, is a gay man who also endured conversion therapy in a religious setting, which they describe as "brainwashing".

They say their religion seemed very friendly on the surface.

I've talked with my wife about it and she supports me whether I remain her wife or change into her husband. The voices are designed to help your mind focus on the contents of the recording without feeling the impulse to give in to distractions like your phone, social media, or any app with an addicting algorithm. Only the future will tell."

Jamie’s story

They/them

Jamie* is 51 years old and they are a trans genderqueer, panromantic asexual (neither male nor female and with the capacity to experience romantic attraction to people of all genders, but seldom, if ever, sexual attraction).

They were subjected from a young age to conversion therapy via a religious cult and forced to attend 'meetings' three times a week.

"In all of their talks and literature, I was taught that being homosexual, or transgender, is an 'abomination', and that if you are either of these things you are disgusting and worthy of death."

These 'teachings' were all Jamie knew from birth, meaning they felt very confused as they started to question their gender identity.

"I genuinely thought I was evil as a child when I realised that I didn't feel like a girl and I mostly had crushes on girls," they say.

Opening up

Jamie never talked about what they went through with anyone, but instead suppressed it as much as possible.

"When I was in my early 20s, I ran away from my hometown.

During my father's last attempt at conversion therapy, I knew that these camps would never end if I didn't pretend to be straight. So, I put on a facade of being 'normal' for him. Over a year I had to talk about my sexuality in detail, as I risked being made homeless. They only felt able to leave him after their children helped them realise what was happening.

"It was at that point when I was free of the need to pretend any more, that I was able to come out as trans genderqueer.

I am male and I’m in the process of accepting that and coming out with it. In some ways, they already are. With no resources or support, Jamie wasn’t able to address how they felt or to be who they are.

Instead, they tried to 'fit in' with what they thought was expected, and got married and had children.

"It took me another 16 years before I came out to my friends as bisexual.