For some, taking on a specific role can align with their sense of identity and desires, providing a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. When roles are treated as fixed, relationships can start to feel stagnant—not because partners are incompatible, but because they feel locked into predictable patterns that leave little room for growth (Dangerfield et al., 20182; Brilmyer, 2024)1.
Research on gay male sexual dynamics shows that versatility—switching or exploring roles—enhances communication, equality, and relationship satisfaction.
Role-flipping— A practical guide to versatile gay sex
3.
More bottoms than tops? https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-016-0810-7
Shaikh, A., Kamble, P., Vandana Daulatabad, Singhal, A., U Madhusudhan, & Nitin Ashok John. Sexual Positioning Among Men Who Have Sex With Men: A Narrative Review. The Discursive Work of “Bottom-Shaming”: Sexual Positioning Discourse in the Construction of Black Masculinity.
This allows for a more authentic and fulfilling connection, where partners can express themselves freely without feeling confined by societal expectations.
Challenging Norms
By challenging norms and stereotypes around roles in gay relationships, individuals can pave the way for greater acceptance and understanding within the LGBTQ+ community and beyond.
(2024). At the same time, studies also found that men are far more fluid in real life than the labels suggest, shifting roles across partners, contexts, and life stages (Wei & Raymond, 2011)9.
This shows that the strict adherence to role labels, while actual behaviour may be different, is driven more by power and status rather than actual pleasure.
Here are eight ways strict top/bottom roles quietly harm gay and bisexual men — and why embracing fluidity leads to healthier, fuller sex and relationships.
1.
https://doi.org/10.1097/qai.0b013e318299cede
Tskhay, K. O., & Rule, N. O. (2013). Studies of online and community discourse show how bottom-shaming and role policing reinforce narrow ideas of masculinity and create hierarchies within gay communities (Winder, 202310; Zhou, 2023)11.
The result: Increased internalised stigma and shame, less sexual exploration, and weaker solidarity in communities—especially for those already marginalised by race, body type, gender expression, or HIV status.
6.
However, like with tops, the specifics of the sex aren't as important as the power dynamic.
Generally, bottoms are people who relinquish control during sex and follow the lead of the person topping them. Men who might enjoy multiple roles can get stuck in one identity for years, making the community feel imbalanced and less open to difference.
How fluidity helps
Sexual fluidity recognises that desires, roles, and preferences can shift across time, partners, and situations.
Increased Mental Health Strain
Gay and bisexual men already face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and psychological distress due to minority stress—the cumulative impact of stigma, discrimination, and internalised shame (Mereish and Poteat, 2015)4.
When sexual roles become rigid, they introduce additional pressure:
Tops may feel they always have to be dominant or assertive, which increases constant self-monitoring/hypervigilance, lying and other compensatory behaviours.
Bottoms may feel inadequate (feeling like a “failed man”) due to rigid masculinity ideals.
https://doi.org/10.1086/730351
Dangerfield, D. T., Smith, L. R., Williams, J., Unger, J., & Bluthenthal, R. (2016). Let’s dive deeper into the top-bottom conundrum in gay relationships.
Exploring the Top and Bottom Roles
In gay relationships, the terms "top" and "bottom" are often used to describe the sexual roles that individuals take on during intimacy.
Versatility and HIV Vulnerability: Investigating the Proportion of Australian Gay Men Having Both Insertive and Receptive Anal Intercourse. This is no different in gay relationships, where the dynamics of who takes on the "top" and "bottom" roles can be a topic of interest and discussion.
